Love is a Four Letter Word
by S1r3h
Summary: Buffy dreams the dream in OFMM, not Spike and Dawn finds out she's the key instead of Buffy. How will Buffy handle her feelings for Spike? Who does Dawn confide in? How do these changes affect the course of Season Five? Rating may change. Just depends on the mood I'm in. Spuffy Spike Dawn friendship. Criticism is welcome!
1. Prologue - Dreams

Love Is a Four Letter Word

Prologue - Dreams

Buffy strode determinedly through Restfield Cemetery in the direction of Spike's crypt.

She was going to kill him. Riley had nearly died because of him and Harmony. Not to mention he'd almost gotten the chip out. She didn't even want to think about what would have happened if that doctor had really removed the chip, which was why she was going to kill him. She couldn't risk the chance that he might, one day, really get that chip out of his head. It was better to attack now then wait until he actually had a chance to fight back. She didn't like doing it this way, but she wasn't one hundred percent sure that she could take Spike without a chip and at full strength.

Which was why he had to die sooner rather than later. And there was no time like the present.

Reaching his crypt door, Buffy didn't even bother to knock. She kicked the door open to reveal Spike getting up from the ratty chair he'd been resting in. Really, where did he get this crap, the dump? Oh, that's right, that's where he did get his junk. Can you say ewww much?

"Should have known it's you. Been nearly six hours," Spike said, interrupting her train of thought.

"Well, it would've been less if I wasn't busy cleaning up your mess."

"_My_ mess? I just _borrowed_ the doc. The mess is yours, Slayer. Yours and the boy's."

"I'm done," Buffy said calmly, even as she pulled a stake from a sheath that was strategically hidden under her shirt.

Spike was surprised. Sure, Buffy had said plenty of times that she was going to stake him. But this time he could tell she meant it. Not that she hadn't meant it before, but it had always been out of anger at something he'd done, most of the time just to get her worked up, and sure she was angry now - he could tell by the spark in her eyes - but now it was spoken as a fact. She'd already made up her mind.

"Spike, you're a killer," Buffy continued. "And I shoulda done this years ago."

It wasn't like this was the way he wanted to go out. He would have preferred to go out fighting, but since this chip had been put into his head, he'd have to settle for going out the less exciting way. So he told her to do it.

"What," Buffy faltered for a moment.

"End… my… torment," Spike insisted. "Seeing you, every day, everywhere I go, every time I turn around. Take me… out of a world… that has you in it!" Spike yanked off his shirt and threw it aside. "Just kill me!"

Buffy, still shocked, but not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, raised her stake and brought it down, fully intending to end his sorry existence. But something strange happened.

She stopped.

Buffy stared into his eyes. Had they always been that blue? But besides the color she could see the anger in his eyes, the resignation that this was the end, and the fear. He was doing a good job of covering it but it was still there.

And why was it suddenly so hot in here. Wait, was she blushing?!

Suddenly she was in Spike arms, his lips attached to hers, and her stake - forgotten - fell to the floor. Shocked, she found herself returning the kiss.

Sure, she'd known that Spike was a good kisser from Willow's spell last year. And sure she had spat in disgust for over a week about Spike lips, but even she could admit, deep down in the dark recesses of her mind, that Spike was the best kisser she'd ever kissed. And though she hadn't kissed a lot of guys, she knew a good kisser when... kissed.

But this was different. This was real, not the result of some spell gone wrong.

_Mmm... Spike lips_. Wait, Spike lips?!

Coming to he senses, Buffy quickly pulled herself away from him. She brought a hand up to her mouth. Had she really been kissing Spike, with no spell or ulterior motive to blame it on? What about Riley? OMG, she'd just cheated on Riley. Even if Spike was a better kisser, that gave her no excuse. Not that Spike was a better… Ugh, what was wrong with her?!

As if she couldn't control her own actions, Buffy found herself walking back towards Spike and pulling his head back down to hers. All thoughts of Riley left her mind as Spike slipped his tongue into her mouth, as his hands came up to clutch her back, and began he trail kisses from her cheek and down the side of her neck.

"Buffy… I want you," Spike said muffled against her neck.

"Spike," Buffy panted. "I love you. I love you so much."

* * *

Buffy gasped as she awoke from the all too real dream.

Okay, there was a reasonable explanation to this. She was crazy. That's it. She needed to be locked up in the nut house for having that dream; for even thinking about Spike's cool, soft lips against hers, or his gorgeous cheekbones and bluer than blue eyes. Ugh.

There was no way she was in love with Spike. She loved Riley. Sweet, dependable, reliable, and… okay a little boring, Riley. No! What was she saying? Riley isn't boring. Right? No, he was fun and spontaneous and… he took her driving once. Okay, it wasn't really her thing, but it's fun for some people. Right?

Horrified, Buffy pleaded with the Powers that Be.

_"Please don't be a Slayer dream."_


	2. Chapter One - The Key

Love Is a Four Letter Word

Chapter One – The Key

_Author's Notes: Thank you guys so much for the reviews. This chapter is mainly about Dawn, and, sorry, but the Spuffy will be a while off since Spike does not love Buffy. Yet. And I don't really have much of this story planned out at the moment, which I need to get on, pronto. Anyway, this is the first official chapter, so enjoy!_

"_You're not my sister."_

Buffy's harsh words reverberated in Dawn's head like a drum as she tossed herself down on her bed. Wiping away her tears, Dawn thought back to the cruel words her sister had uttered. Her cheek still stung from the power behind her sister's arm that had delivered a literal slap to her face. How could she? How could Buffy slap her like that, and more importantly, did she really think she could get away with it? As soon as mom came home, boy was she in a lot of trouble. First she slaps her and then leaves her all alone by herself in the house to go talk to Giles, _claiming _that she wasn't her sister. How dare she?

She just wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all. Instead, Dawn turned her head into her pillow and cried. Was this how things were going to be now? Was she a modern day Cinderella?

Mom leaves and Buffy's free to be the mean step-sister, except this was worse because there was no prince and Buffy was her sister by blood. There was no way of escaping her. Buffy would hunt her down if she ran away, but kick her out if she stayed. There was no winning against her.

It was too much.

And what was so special about Buffy anyway? It was a question she found herself asking a lot these days, either to herself or when blowing of steam to her best friend, Janice. Though she didn't really know if Janice could be considered her best friend, because a best friend is someone who knows the real you and doesn't care about all the craziness you go through every day, but Janice didn't know the real her. She had to stick to telling her about the normal things that happened in her life when complaining to her.

It was s_o _unfair.

Buffy got all the friends, all the special treatment. She had this amazing gift and she treated it like a burden. If she had superpowers, a way to really make a difference, she'd treasure it forever. Okay, so some things would be hard, but she'd never have to face most of the problems that Buffy had. One, she'd never be stupid enough to fall for someone like Angel. So many things were wrong with that vamp, number one being his stupid forehead; either that or his stupid hair.

No, she'd fall for a guy like Spike. Though not Spike himself. If anything he was more of a friend to her than a potential boyfriend, plus Buffy would kill him, then her. No, she wanted someone who knew how to have fun, but also had a brain. Angel had neither of those qualities.

Dawn jumped at sound of a fist banging on the front door.

Who could that be? Everyone they knew usually barged in. Except Giles with his proper this, proper that attitude he had going on.

Dawn left her room and cautiously made her way down the stairs as the banging increased. Normally she would just answer the door, but seeing as she was alone, at night, on the Hellmouth, she didn't want to take any chances. Making sure to was standing at least a foot inside she pulled the door open. On the other side was an old man, pacing back and forth on the porch.

"C-can I help you?" Dawn asked nervously.

Startled, the man turned towards her. "You," he gaped.

Dawn stepped back when the man tentatively reached a hand out towards her, ready to close the door at a moment's notice. Seeing that he'd frightened her, he immediately took a step back to assure her he meant no harm.

"No, I'm not going hurt you. I have something I need to tell you, before it's too late, and it's not going to be easy to accept, but you have to listen. Okay? Good," The monk sighed in relief when Dawn nodded her head, to curious to close the door, but too afraid to step outside. He could only hope she would hear him out. He would have preferred to talk to the Slayer herself, but he'd seen her walk into a shop on Main Street not too long ago. This information was private, but at the same time needed to be told before it was too late.

"We – my brethren – that is to say, had this energy… the key. For centuries it had no form. But we, it's only keepers, hid the key, gave it form, molded it into flesh… made it human," the monk finished.

Dawn saw the way the monk was looking at her, as if she had this object, no, person that he was talking about. But when the monk raised his hand to point to her, his eyes begging her to believe him, she understood.

"Me?"

"You're the key," he confirmed. Dawn shook her head in denial, prompting the monk to continue. "We knew that the slayer would protect you."

Protect her. Yeah right. Her sister, no, not her sister, – maybe there was a bright side to all this – had slapped her and left her alone by herself. Some protector Buffy was. She was doomed. For whatever reason, some monks had made her… human. She was some sort of key. So many questions, so little answers. Did Buffy know? Did mom, the Scooby's? Had they lied to her? Was she even real? If she was a key, what did she open? Was she evil? But one stood out more than the other.

"My memories… my family's," Dawn wondered aloud.

"We built them."

"What about my life? I didn't ask for this. I don't even know…" Dawn paused in her rant. "What am I?"

"Human… helpless," the monk had unknowingly eased Dawn with those two words. She wasn't evil, she was a helpless human. "Well, not exactly helpless."

"What?" Dawn asked.

The monk reached for a bag that she hadn't noticed had been leaning against the side of the house till now. She watched from her spot halfway behind the door as the monk pulled a big black book out of the bag and preceded to hand it to her.

"Everything you need to know is in this book. You must tell the Slayer about this, she will protect you," the monk looked nervously behind his shoulder. "I must go, before she finds me."

The monk turned to leave, but halted on the front steps when Dawn called out, "Wait! Who's she?"

"The beast," the monk answered. "Her and her other-half must not learn of your identity. Yes?" Dawn nodded, though she didn't exactly understand, and watched as the monk left her with so many unanswered questions.

* * *

Buffy paced in front of the round table that her Watcher was currently sitting at and cleaning his glasses. Typical Giles; there's an evil… thing inside her house, making her mother sick, and yet, there was always time to clean your glasses. Why couldn't he see that something was wrong here?

"I'm telling you Giles, I know what I saw," Buffy protested. "Dawn's not my sister. What if she's what's making mom sick?"

Giles sighed, "Buffy, is it possible that maybe you're over reacting? After all, y-you're not a witch. It is entirely possible that perhaps you did, or um, said something incorrectly while performing the spell. Magic is very precise."

Buffy sat down in one of the chairs that had been offered during her arrival. What with all the denial Giles was doing, she was beginning to doubt herself. She knew what she saw, but maybe the spell went wrong. She was, after all, very aware that it could happen.

_Mm… Spike lips. Wait. No. No Spike lips. Bad brain,_ _she scolded herself._

Giles cleared his throat, bringing her out of her memories, which was all she had, because Spike wasn't likely to ever kiss her again; which was fine with her. Everything was good, gooder than good even. Crap, what was Giles saying?

"What?"

Giles gave her that stern look he always gave her when she wasn't paying attention, at which she'd always roll her eyes. This time was no different.

"I was saying," Giles glared at his charge. "That you should go home, get some rest, and if this is still bothering you in the morning, I'll ask Willow or Tara to try the spell again."

Buffy nodded. She had been tired for a while, and maybe she could try to think all this through in the morning with a clearer head.

"Yeah, that sounds good. I gotta get home to check on," Buffy paused. Dawn! "Oh my god."

"What, what is it?" Giles asked worriedly.

"Dawn," Buffy explained. "I slapped her."

Shocked, Giles asked, "You did what?"

"Well," Buffy cried. "I thought she was an evil demon thing."

Feeling a headache coming on, Giles abandoned his glasses on the research table and rubbed his forehead. He loved Buffy dearly, as if she was his own child even, but the girl could do some… questionable things at times. Though, questionable was putting it lightly in this case.

"Buffy, it is very important that you go home, and make sure Dawn feels like your sister, because if she isn't, and she really is some demon, what do you think she'd do if you exposed her," Giles asked, always the reasonable one.

Buffy's eyes widened, "But I thought you said she was my sister?"

"And I'm sure she is," Giles objected. "But, on the Hellmouth, I've learned, to never rule anything out to common sense."

"Gotcha," Buffy was halfway to the door when Giles called out to her.

"Oh, and, um, Buffy. I need you to stop by that warehouse again. There may be someone there that can tell us more about the Dagon Sphere."

* * *

Buffy rushed home, telling herself she'd go by the warehouse later. Right now she had a crisis to solve. She had to get home before her mother came home and Dawn tattled on her for slapping her – which, okay, was wrong, really wrong, but in her defense, she'd thought she was a demon – and leaving her home alone when she was supposed to be watching her wasn't scoring her any points either. She would be so dead. Luckily, when she arrived home, her mom still wasn't there. Maybe she wasn't dead after all.

"Dawn!" Buffy called, though she had a feeling her sister wasn't downstairs since most the lights were off, so she bypassed the kitchen completely and made her way upstairs to her sister's bedroom.

Thinking knocking would be better after all that had happened earlier, Buffy cautiously walked into her sister's room, all too aware of how her sister handled anger. But to her surprise, Dawn was sitting on her bed, doing her homework. When she looked up at her she wasn't mad, no? She was… crying? Buffy was instantly at her side, wrapping her arms around her sister.

Seeing her sister and knowing that she wasn't really her sister, was the straw that broke the camel's back. Dawn had tried doing her homework as a distraction after sitting in the dark for a while, but it was like, suddenly, eighth grade math was too complicated for her fourteen year old brain. She knew that she knew the answers, but she couldn't seem to dig the them from her mind. So she'd sat on her bed, staring at the blank homework pages, trying not to think about the big black book that she'd hidden in her dresser. Unbidden, thoughts of the worst kind had entered her head. She remembered the words her fake sister – was that right since she was the fake one – had said.

"_You're not my sister."_

Over and over again till her head ached the words were like a broken record, repeating itself like a mantra. Did she know? Would she kick her out of the house? Where would she stay? You know, it was these stupid monks fault. Why couldn't they had made her some European kid with an inheritance. Not that she didn't love her family, but they'd be safer if she was just some random kid that they didn't know. And why did she even need to be a person. If she wasn't a person then she wouldn't have all these emotions running through her mind. She'd just be some object that needed protection. Wait, she didn't want to be an object. What was she even thinking? Urgh!

So when her sister had come home, she'd jumped nearly out of her skin. Her eyes had immediately been drawn to the top drawer of her dresser where she'd hidden the book. Was that really a safe place to hide it? She'd need to find a better place to keep it later.

So when her sister came home, she'd wrapped herself in her arms and cried. She didn't hear Buffy's mumbled apologies, her cries drowning them out.

How could this be fake? It was her family? Sure, they might not be blood – then who's blood was she? It was probably in that stupid book – but they couldn't change her love for them, right?

_Okay, so I don't know if this was clear or not, but the meeting with Buffy and Spike didn't happen outside of her house, as much as I love Spike's famous line in that scene, there'd be no reason for Spike to be standing outside, unless he was planning to kill her or something, so I didn't add it._

_**Please Review!**_


	3. Chapter Two - Family

**Love is a Four Letter Word**

**Chapter Two – Family**

Sitting cross-legged on her bed, Dawn kept staring at the book that lay in front of her, wishing desperately that it would disappear. That she would go back to being Dawn Summers, little sister to Buffy Summers, otherwise known as the Slayer, daughter of Joyce Summers; just normal fourteen year old girl. But no, she was the key, daughter of no one, and definitely not a sister. She was a little fuzzy on the details but she had a feeling the thick book in front of her would explain everything, would tell her who and what she is, or was anyway. But she didn't want to know. She just wanted to forget.

Now she understood how Buffy must have felt when becoming a Slayer. Neither of them had asked for the life they got dealt. Though, the fact that she was this key was probably an act of Karma. After all, she had wished to be special, to be different, but when it actually happened, she didn't want it.

What was she supposed to do? She knew the logical thing would be to tell Buffy, but at the same time she was scared. How many times had Giles told them about how evil soulless demons were, and what if she was a one of those soulless demons? Would they chop off her head and go to their post-apocalyptic party, celebrating another job well done? Okay, maybe that was a little on the dramatic side, but Buffy thinking the world was black and white, something that she'd learned long ago wasn't true when she'd befriended Spike – or hadn't because those memories were obviously fake – wouldn't be much help in the way of explaining this to her.

She needed help. There was no way she could keep this secret on her own. But who would believe her? And more importantly, who would not tell Buffy once she told them? The Scooby's certainly wouldn't keep Buffy in the dark about this, Giles would probably lock her in a cage to experiment on, and Anya couldn't keep a secret to save life. Maybe she would talk to Tara later and she could help her figure all this out. But could she trust Tara to not tell Willow, who would then tell Buffy, who would then kill her.

Tara seemed like a nice person, but her and Willow's relationship was still in that new phase, where all you wanted was to be around that person; to never have to keep any secrets.

Her stomach growled reminding her it was time for breakfast. How was she supposed to get through this day without breaking down?

* * *

Buffy came around later than usual in the morning and was surprised to see that Dawn was just starting to make her way downstairs too. She'd asked why she was running late, but Dawn had just claimed that she forgot to set her alarm clock. Deciding not to question her, she'd followed her downstairs and to the kitchen where their mom had been cooking breakfast.

As always Dawn had insisted staying home till the last minute before she had to leave for school, and while they waited, her mom had asked her about her plans for the day, and she seem happy to hear that she was moving back home from the dorms later on, to which Dawn asked if she could help. It probably wasn't the wisest decision, but she'd agreed. Maybe looking after Dawn for the day would help get Spike off her mind.

Not that Spike was on her mind, because he was the furthest thing from it, of course. Urgh, who was she trying to kid. Buffy Summers, the Slayer, had some sort of – shudder – crush on Spike, William the Bloody. Not that she'd ever mention that outside her own head.

But all in all it had been a good morning, and after waving goodbye to her mom and Dawn, Buffy decided that she wanted the spell done again; this time by an expert. Just to make sure that everything was fine like Giles said. After all, you could never be too careful, right?

* * *

"Hey. What are you doing here?" Dawn asked.

She had gotten home about an hour ago to see her sister setting up things for that spell that she'd done the other night. The spell that had shown her something she didn't want to accept about her younger sister.

"You're sister asked me to come by," Tara explained.

Dawn shifted uncomfortably, "Is it about the spell she was doing yesterday?"

Maybe playing dumb was the best way to get through this.

"Um," Tara stalled. "I'm not sure if I should say anything."

Dawn rolled her eyes, "Oh please, I think I have the right to know if magic is being used my own house."

She didn't mean to be mean to Tara, but why was it that everyone thought it was so important to treat her like a kid. She wasn't a kid. She was mystical key or… something. If only she'd read that stupid book; and why hadn't she again? Oh, right, because she was scared. Scared that once she opened that book, the life she knew and loved would go up in flames. Maybe she should be treated like a kid. She may not be one, but the monks had given her the emotions of one, and that was what mattered, right?

Crap, now she made Tara guilty.

"S-she wants me t-to try it again for her, m-make sure everything's okay with the s-spell," Tara stuttered.

Before she could apologize, Tara was already making her way inside the house. What was she going to do? That spell could tell them that she didn't really exist. Maybe she should just go pack a bag and get a head start for Canada, or maybe Mexico. Canada was too cold, so she heard.

* * *

"See you later," Dawn announced before trying to sneak past her sister, her over-night back thrown over her shoulder. She had a few minutes before the spell was complete and Tara would find out the truth, and she had decided that it was best if she weren't here when the shit hit the fan. She'd be back tomorrow to face the firing squad, but she wanted one last night of freedom before her death.

So she kept her eyes to the ground as she past her sister kissing Riley in the middle of the foyer. That was the last thing anyone needs to see. Didn't they know that people had to walk by in here? If someone wanted to kiss Riley, they should do it indoors, locked away so no one could see.

"Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think you're going?"

Dawn rolled her eyes, "I'm going to Melinda's for dinner," she lied.

"Since when," Buffy asked.

Dawn shrugged uncomfortably, "Now-ish."

"Are you sure you'll be okay? Because I can walk you," Buffy volunteered.

"It's just across the street," Dawn shoved her way past her with one last roll of her eyes.

Buffy sighed, "She makes me so crazy."

* * *

Tara had done the spell. She was headed upstairs now, in full on trance mode. Buffy's heart was pounding. What if the girl she thought was her sister wasn't her sister? What was she going to do if she had to kill the being she thought was her sister? She wished someone was here to hold her, but she didn't really want to deal with the mixed emotions concerning Riley right now after she'd just sent him on his way. She just had to wait and hope that her sister was really her sister.

Upstairs Tara slowly made her way to Dawn's room. She hoped what Buffy suspected wasn't true. She didn't really know Dawn that well, but Willow was friends with Buffy, and as Willow's girlfriend that made Buffy her, sort-of friend. That's why she found herself stalling when she got to Dawn's bedroom door. She muttered a prayer to any Goddess that was listening.

Opening her door, Tara sighed in relief when she saw just a normal teenage girl's room. She was about to leave when she noticed that things were starting to blink out of place. Tears gathered in Tara's eyes; how was she supposed to tell Buffy? As the room slid back into place Tara noticed a green glow emanating from Dawn's dresser. Not thinking privacy was an issue any longer, Tara cautiously slid the top drawer open to reveal a big black book.

IN CLAVIS was engraved on the front. She knew a little Latin, enough to understand the title of the book anyway. But what was 'The Key'; and what did she tell Buffy?

* * *

Spike ran his head down her body, his lips trailing kisses down her throat as she arched into him. She tilted her neck to the side to allow him better access as she pulled his head closer to her neck. She was sure there would be a hickey there later. She ran her hands down his back, stopping at his waist to rest on his hips.

"Buffy," Spike breathed against her neck.

"Buffy!"

Buffy looked up to see Giles waving a hand in front of her face. Buffy blushed when she realized she must have been day dreaming. Why couldn't she get Spike out of her head? Bad Brain!

"You were saying?" Giles implored.

He was already struggling with this Dagon Sphere thingy. Buffy felt guilty for getting lost in thoughts of Spike right now.

"Yeah, um, so Tara says that the spell didn't show anything. So on the bright side my sister is fine, but then my mom's sick and there's nothing I can do to help her," Buffy shrugged. "I don't know what to do."

"What about your father," Giles asked.

Buffy scoffed, "Yeah, he's, um… in Spain, with his secretary. Living the cliché. I called him when mom got sick, he hasn't even…"

"I'm sorry."

Buffy smiled, letting Giles no that she was fine, though it did hurt that her own father didn't care enough about her or Dawn to see if they needed any help. And she was tremendously glad that Dawn hadn't turned out to be some kind of freaky demon thing. Suddenly, her father didn't matter in the slightest. She had her family, and she couldn't be happier.

"Shouldn't you be training," Giles asked as he went back to his book.

Buffy sighed. She'd spoke too soon.

* * *

"Where'd it go?!" Anya yelled as she swung her weapon around randomly just as Buffy ran into the main shop area. Buffy had only gotten in about an hour of training before the invisible demons had attacked. She continued searching for the unseen demon while Anya retreated behind the counter and lifted her weapon cautiously.

Spike stood, unseen near the front door, watching the chaos with a smile. Harmony wasn't good for much, but there was the rare occasion when she stumbled across some useful information. Not that these demons had a chance at taking down the Slayer. If he couldn't, there was no way they could, though it was touch and go there for a minute back in the training room. Spike continued watching the chaos around him gleefully.

"It's over there!"

"How many are there?"

"I've already been injured once this month!"

"Shut up," Buffy screamed over the jumbled voices. She needed to concentrate. She focused her breathing and slowly looked around the room just as the bell above the door jingled and Tara entered.

"Buffy, behind you!"

She turned just as the demon grabbed her and threw her onto the table. She immediately rolled of the other side and dropped onto the floor before getting to her feet.

"Tara, where is it?" Buffy asked as she looked around. "Can you see it?"

"Oh, god," Tara panicked.

This was all her fault. What was she thinking, trying to fix things with magic? She'd completely ignored everything her mother had taught her about magic. She had to make it right. She'd come here to speak to Dawn before they headed off to the Bronze, only to find a scary looking demon about to attack Buffy. Thoughts of Dawn were quickly shoved to the back of her brain as she quickly rushed to the middle of the room, wincing every time the demon managed to punch Buffy. She briefly noticed Spike watching the fight, but pushed it into the back of her mind as well, looked down to avoid the image of Buffy getting beat on, and tried to concentrate on the reversal spell.

"Blind Cadria, lift your veil. Give evil form…" Tara panted.

The demon turned away from Buffy and towards the witch.

"…and break my spell," Tara finished.

As if a veil had lifted, and in a way it kind of had, Buffy could see the demon rushing towards Tara. Before she could make it to them, the demon had already knocked Tara to the ground with a powerful punch to the face. The demon turned his attention back to the Slayer in time to see Buffy's fist come into contact with his face. The demon grabbed her and tossed her to the floor just as Tara's family entered the shop.

"Tara!" Mr. MaClay yelled when he saw the demon standing over his daughter.

The demon turned his attention to the newcomers, and started rushing towards them. Mr. MaClay stumbled backwards and ended up sprawled on the ground. Buffy, still on the floor, tripped the demon, causing it to fall on his stomach. Wasting no time, Buffy flipped to her feet and put her foot against the back of the demons neck. She shoved her foot, and silence fell at the sound of the sharp crack of the demons neck, signaling its death, until Dawn peeked out from under the table she'd been under uncertainly, knowing that the coast of clear when Giles offered her a hand up.

"What in god's name is that?" Mr. MaClay questioned.

"Lei-ach demon," Spike announced.

For the first time, everyone noticed that Spike was there.

"Fun little buggers," Spike continued. "Big with the marrow-sucking."

Dawn smiled, though no one noticed. She'd just answered one of her many questions. Who was someone that wouldn't tell Buffy her secret? Someone that hated Buffy and that Buffy hated in return. What Dawn didn't know, was that Buffy, however, was busy having thoughts of the non-hateful kind towards Spike.

* * *

Buffy leaned her back against one of the poles that helped to support the Bronze's structure, watching her friends, a slight smile playing about her lips. She missed this. The Scooby gang hadn't had much party time lately, what with her mom being sick, which was probably just the cause of a few migraines anyway. Once this was all over she'd think she was crazy for getting so worked up over a few headaches. The only thing missing was her boyfriend. And speaking of…

Riley immediately appeared at her side, a birthday present under his arm.

"Sorry I'm late," Riley apologized.

Buffy smiled, "You came."

"Of course I came."

Buffy leaned up to kiss him – was he always this tall? – And was shocked to find that what little passion they had shared, had gone. She was just kissing a guy, no feelings attached, but there should have been feelings. There should have been passion, and yet the only moment she could really remember that had been really passionate between them, was when they were possessed into bed by weird sex-deprived ghosts.

Life was so unfair. Why couldn't she have a normal relationship? This was stupid Spike's fault, with his stupid face, stupid hair, and stupid lips. It wasn't like a relationship with him would ever be possible; not in this reality anyway. Maybe if he were human.

Urgh, no! No human Spike. Besides he probably wouldn't be Spike then anyway, he'd be who? William? Buffy shivered. She'd heard Giles's lecture on Spike's past – human and demonic – even though she'd pretended not to at the time. If she wasn't sleeping with a vampire serial killer, then why sleep with a human one?

The more important question was why she didn't love Riley, because she now knew that she didn't. Riley was perfect on paper, but in real life, she need something more, and she really hoped that that something more wasn't Spike. She already had this thing with her mom, which is just a normal human illness, something that she couldn't fix, and she really didn't need any more distractions in her life. She had responsibilities that she needed to be responsible for. She had an annoying little sister that was acting strange. Buffy sighed. And she thought she had problems before.


	4. Chapter Three - Death Wish

**Love is a Four Letter Word**

_**Chapter Three: Death Wish**_

_Author's Notes:__ Hey everybody! So sorry for the slight delay this week. I've been sooo busy this week. My muse has decided to focus 90% of my energy on another story that I didn't want to post till after my holiday fic was posted which I haven't even started on yet. Urgh.. so much to do, so little time in the day to do it. So basically after this fic you will be seeing a holiday fic – hopefully – before the holidays are over, then another fic. And I'd like to say thanks for all of your lovely reviews. I'm still trying to figure out where to take this fic so if you have any suggestions – stuff you'd like to see happen – I'm open to any ideas. Again, thanks for the reviews._

* * *

Buffy continued pounding on the vampire she stumbled across that night. Was it some sort of vampire thing to dress weird? Spike had the whole, 'must wear nothing but black or I'll dust' thing going for him. Only difference was Spike looked hot; unlike the Van Halen vamp she'd found. And yes, she'd decided to admit that Spike was hot; not so much on the attraction thing, and if there was any attraction, it was totally physical. Not that there was any physical attraction what-so-ever!

What was she saying? Oh right, way did vampires dress weird? Maybe people buried them in such an awful outfit as one final 'fuck you'.

"You know, it's probably none of my business but I just gotta ask…" Buffy paused to deliver a backhand as the vampire lunged at her. "You smell this bad when you were alive?" She kicked the vampire into a headstone. "Cause if it's a post-mortem thing, then boy, is my face red…" She flipped the vamp over a nearby headstone and pulled out her stake, ready to dust him. "But just so you know, the fast-growing field of personal grooming has come a long way since you became a vampire.

Doing a somersault over the same headstone she'd flipped the vamp over, she raised her stake, about to strike when the vamp seized her arm, spun her, and stuck her stake into her abdomen. Buffy felt the stabbing pain as her eyes went wide in shock at what she allowed to happen. A million things ran through her mind. Her mom and her illness; Dawn; whatever this super bitch wanted with this key. How was she going to protect them?

* * *

Dawn paced the living room anxiously. The other night she had decided to leave things to fate and if Tara had found out her secret than she would deal, and since mom – or was it Joyce – had told her that Tara wanted to come by and speak to her after school; she knew that Tara knew the truth. Not that she'd tried that hard to hide it and she decided that she wouldn't deny it either, seeing that it would only dig herself a deeper grave. So when the knock came at the door, she took her sweet time answering it. But when she opened it, Tara didn't wait to be invited in, instead walking in and glancing wearily at Dawn the whole time.

"Where's Buffy and Joyce?" she asked.

"Buffy's patrolling and mom went to the grocery," Dawn answered and decided to cut to the chase. "So you know."

Tara sighed, "Not everything, and I really didn't want to bring this up with Buffy because I don't know the whole story, which is why I'm here."

Dawn and Tara had moved the conversation into the living room as Dawn explained in detail everything that had occurred since the strange monk had visited her the week before. Tara had tried to suggest that Dawn tell Buffy and was convinced that Buffy wouldn't care who or what Dawn was. Dawn suspected it was because of the whole thing with her family last week, but she still wasn't certain that she could trust Buffy not to hate her, and after a lot of begging, Tara had promised Dawn that she wouldn't mention this to Buffy, Joyce, or any of the Scooby's, even Willow, for the time being. But she had also insisted that she help Dawn since she was now involved in this too.

"So what do we do now?" Tara asked.

* * *

Buffy's eyes traveled down to gape in horror at the stake that was sticking out of her gut. She reached down to grip the stake tightly in her small hand, and with a gasp of pain, she yanked it out. Unfortunately her new sweater was soaking up all the blood. An overwhelming sense of fear wrapped itself around her, refusing to let go. Knowing there was no way she could continue to fight now, she turned and begun to try and escape the vampire. As she continued running she took a glance over her shoulder, there was no sign of the vampire anywhere, but as she turned around she gasped as the vampire leaped in front of her. She searched desperately for an escape route, coming up short.

"You're going," the rocker vamp asked. "But you were having so much fun a minute ago!"

Buffy brought the stake up that she'd kept in her hand, but the vamp easily knocked it from her grasp, sending it flying towards a nearby crypt. As she doubled over in pain, the vamp picked up the stake and began to approach her, a predatory grin etched across his face. Again, that overwhelming sense of fear, along with helplessness crashed over her. This was the moment she'd always known would come, the moment she died.

Unbeknownst to the slayer, Spike, having been on his way home after picking up some blood at the butchers, had been watching the altercation. He couldn't describe the shock he'd felt when the vamp had staked the slayer with her own stake, followed closely by bundle of anger. The slayer was his to kill, and as soon as he got this chip out he'd kill her himself, not some stupid fledgling that was having a good day. The slayer deserved a fight to the death with an equal, like him.

As the vampire raised the stake once again, ready to deliver the killing blow, Spike made his move, tackling the unsuspecting vamp, and raining blow after blow down on his ugly face. How dare he injure his slayer; to kill of course? Unfortunately the vamp managed to get in a lucky shot sending Spike off of him and onto the ground. Spike climbed to his feet and was about to give chase when he noticed Buffy's condition. He'd known she was injured, but he hadn't seen how badly. The stake had obviously been driven in deep, nothing that a little slayer healing couldn't take care of if the wound was seen to immediately. Cursing his stupid sense of honor, Spike rushed to Buffy's aid.

* * *

Buffy groaned at the pounding her head as she became conscious. She began to sit up but gave a shout of pain when feeling the wound in her stomach.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you love," Spike warned from the shadows of his crypt.

Buffy heart began to race. Great, of all the things in the world, it had to be Spike that found her. She was going to die at the hands of the vampire that she was currently secretly lusting after. As if her life couldn't get any worse. First she came within an inch of her life, and then she finds herself in another near death experience. But wait, why wasn't she dead? Did that mean that Spike had...? No. No, Spike had no reason to save her life what-so-ever. Than how had she gotten here?

"What... how...?" Buffy tried to voice her thoughts, but only a jumble of words poured out.

"How did you get here?" Spike finished as he stepped out of the shadows and made his way to her side. "Easy. I, your knight in shining armor, rescued you mere seconds from your death."

"Why," Buffy managed to gasp out.

Spike cleared his throat, "Figured you deserved to go out in a fair fight. Anyone with a brain could see how distracted you were out there. Plus, I'd much rather have the pleasure of taking you out myself, than some stupid fledgling."

Buffy grimaced when reminded that the vampire that had nearly killed her was but a fledgling. How could she have slipped up so badly? Was she really that bad of a slayer, that after all she'd faced, a fledgling could still take her down. Meanwhile, feeling uncomfortable with his honesty, Spike made his way to where he kept his liqueur stash, and as if reading her thoughts, Spike felt the need to reassure her for some unknown reason.

"It's alright, love. Happens to the best of us," Spike said as he poured himself a generous amount of alcohol. "We all develop that death wish sometime in life or un-life as the case may be."

Buffy didn't know what a death wish was, and at the moment she didn't care. Spike was trying to reassure her, and that thought made her smile. As she drifted off into unconsciousness, Spike could have sworn her say that she thought he was sweet. No, there was no mistaking it. The word 'sweet' had escaped her lips before she'd loss consciousness. That little... he had half a mind to throw her out into the cemetery and wait and see what kind of creature happened to make her its snack. But instead, he sat in his chair and continued sipping at his scotch.

* * *

"Spike," Dawn yelled as marched her way into his crypt.

"Well, well, well," Spike taunted from where he stood at his fridge. "If it isn't the slayer's little sister. Tell me pet, what brings you to my humble abode."

Dawn rolled her eyes, "Cut the crap. I have a proposition for you."

"Oh, yeah," Spike asked, now interested. "Well, don't leave a bloke hanging. Get to it."

"Before I say anything," Dawn warned. "This cannot be repeated to Buffy. Understood?"

"Yeah, yeah," Spike agreed, already bored.

As Dawn retold her tale for what seemed like the millionth time, Spike smirked. Keeping this secret from the Slayer would prove that he wasn't 'sweet'. He only hoped it didn't backfire on him.

* * *

A few days after the attack, Buffy had, after coming home and running into Riley who had inadvertently found out about her injury, came up with a brilliant plan – to her anyway. Since Spike hated her, she would just have to find a different way to spend time with him. She knew she had to break up with Riley soon and boy was she looking forward to that conversation. Not. So she'd hung around Restfield cemetery and waited for what felt like forever for Spike come by. She figured that she would accidently bump into him and he could accompany her to finding the vamp that had nearly killed her and it'd be like a secret date. Only he didn't know that he was on it

When Spike had finally shown up, she'd done the casual thing, and finally gotten him to agree to help her look for the vamp after threatening to stake him. Not the route she'd wanted to take, but whatever got him moving. So, they were now on their way to Willy's to ask around about the vamp and so far, Spike had remained quiet. This wouldn't do at all.

"What's your favorite color?" Buffy asked.

"What?"

"What's your favorite color?" Buffy asked again.

"Why?"

"Just answer the damn question," Buffy glared at him. Even if he did look cute when he was all confused, they didn't have much time to talk before they got to Willy's, so she had to move things along quickly.

Spike rolled his eyes, "Black."

"Black isn't a color, it's a shade. Try again."

"I don't bloody care! Black's my favorite and color, and again I ask, why do you care what my favorite bloody color is?" Spike growled.

Buffy pouted, "Well I didn't see you trying to make conversation."

"That's because I didn't want any bloody conversation!" Spike shouted. "What I want is be in my crypt with a bottle scotch, plotting ways to make your life miserable until I get this chip out!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

They continued the walk towards Willy's in silence. But by the time they arrived, Buffy was convinced that she could fix things while looking for the vamp. But the news that Willy gave them only served to further her anger. So, Riley had taken it upon himself to dust the vamp, inadvertently ruining her secret date with Spike. Oh, she was so breaking up with him.

* * *

When Buffy returned home that night, she was already in a pissy mood, but managed to push her failed not-a-date with Spike to the back of her mind when confronted with her mother's confession that maybe she wasn't so fine as she'd lead her and Dawn to believe. So after her mother had left and Dawn was safely tucked away in bed, Buffy escaped to the back porch where she cried till she couldn't anymore.


End file.
